Oct 15 2008
My Heart Pounding

My heart’s been thrown to the dustbins, 
waiting for the days to begin.
I’m sick of trying to understand
a life that’s been so hard to withstand.

Each step seems like it’s headed uphill,
but I can no longer stand to be still.
The days pass away like seconds to a year,
nothings left inside, but tears…
and
Lonely shadows, hidden in silence,
with nothing left in their defense.
I can’t lie in this river, drowning,
or wake up again, with my heart pounding.

I feel my cells depart,
waiting for this life to start. 

Sep 25 2008
Bittersweet

Show me the meaning of infinity,
as I suffer through my inability
to see past the days
when my heart was first set ablaze,

It’s been a thousand years
since music’s filled the atmosphere.
All my yearning is incomplete,
as days go by, they’re bittersweet.

Too many ideas, left in my head,
Too many words, left unsaid.
Destiny’s been leaving me behind,
with my sight fading, until I’m blind.

The life of people like me,
goes on, until it’s taken by insanity.
we’re just searching for truth.
Yearning for youth.

Sep 23 2008
Branches

My own thoughts these days sometime feel as if they are the great mystery of the universe. Something I’ll never understand. Sometimes I live so deep within my own head, that when I take a break to just linger, the World feels like it’s spinning around me. Sometimes hazy. I’m standing 3 ft. beside myself, looking at myself and wondering, who is this person? Where am I? Everything is out of place.. The truth, that we’re carbon based DNA on a floating rock, although incomparable to most peoples ideals of reality, is much easier to understand than the structure of society we’ve chosen to surround ourselves with.

Everything I’m directed towards, sprawls out and upward like the branches of a tree. My path, too ubiquitous for my own good. It feels as though I’ll never be sated, until I can reach out across those branches and hold every single one them in a single grasp.

I’ve been writing code for almost four days straight for Octava. I feel like my brain should have grown 10-sizes larger in the last week. I also feel like just kicking back and watching some movies, to numb my mind and just relax for a bit.

I have iTunes open at the moment and I’m listening through my Top 25 Most Played. :) I’d highly suggest the album KiloWatts & Vanek - Focus & Flow, if you haven’t heard it. You can get it through their website. There should be more electronic music like this in the World.

Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I promise to write.

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Let me know what you think. Thanks. :)

This year, I’ve vowed to myself to be more organized. I have a short term list and a routine. But like so many times before, I don’t want to get stuck in a hole. I’m trying to balance things out with the little enjoyments and curiosities in life. I’ve been becoming frustrated with music and I don’t want to lose the joy. Frustration is unhealthy and it means that something is wrong. I feel like my creativity has gone down the hole, or like the right side of my brain has just shut off and nothing feels new anymore. Everything feels tried, tested and old. I wrote a small bit of lyrics today and pieced a few pieces of music together. I was going to share it, but I figure I need to hold onto it until it can become something more. I feel like I’m on a slow road to recovery. I’ve got to get into the ebb and flow.

Instead, I made a pencil drawing tonight to share. I wanted to be an artist when I was a little kid, but I haven’t drawn hardly anything at all since I was in school. I want to do small creative things like this from day to day…

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Nov 26 2007
Cellphone Footage

Sorry for the low quality, these were taken with a cellphone by a friend. The sound is completely not even there… If anyone has any higher quality video, let me know! We’d love to see it! This first video is from Urban Lounge on Oct 27th. [See pictures here]. The second video was Nov 1st? If anyone has pictures from The Trapp Door, let me know as well.

Polaroid kiss’s first performance

The audio is hard for people to make out which song it is.
Click here to listen to a sample of Love in Transition.

Here’s another video of me and Tim setting up for a show at The Trapp Door.

Tim and Earl

I think I was putting a 9volt battery into a DI Box. lol.

Lately, I seem to be consumed with our origins, the universe, time and space and beautiful mathematics. If you are too, check this out and let me know what you think. Pretty interesting.

All fields of the standard model and gravity are unified as an E8 principal bundle connection. A non-compact real form of the E8 Lie algebra has G2 and F4 subalgebras which break down to strong su(3), electroweak su(2) x u(1), gravitational so(3,1), the frame-Higgs, and three generations of fermions related by triality. The interactions and dynamics of these 1-form and Grassmann valued parts of an E8 superconnection are described by the curvature and action over a four dimensional base manifold.

Read more about it on newscientist.com.

This was Polaroid Kiss’ first gig. The crowd and the performance went great! :) We opened for ex-Sneaker Pimps Chris Corner’s band IAMX. The bass was so strong near the end that we blew the fuse to the sound system, it didn’t effect the sound during the performance at all though. :) These pics are taken by my girlfriend Mandy Kemp.

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Oct 13 2007
The War with Myself

I’ve been shriveling up inside, hiding, tucked far away, beneath time and space; in such a lonely place. I’ve wondered why I feel like screaming, well, life starts to lose meaning when I’m tied up in an empty room. It’s becomes harder to express myself. The drought keeps growing longer, while every ounce of freedom in me is left trying to scream.

The screams are being muted and it’s becoming easier to turn a blind eye. I’m falling down into the mundane. No sentences have been written, even to rearrange. No one’s listening and I’m still afraid of what they might say.

I feel I must write, like a flood gate of lies can no longer be held in, because the accumulation of guilt had grown so large that the lies must eventually be let go. Letting go, drenches the fields and replenishes the land and adds flavour to the taste buds of the jaded and hungry souls.

I must, for my own sanity! I’m dieing inside, every second I’m afraid. I’m alive when I can admit to you that I can see the sporadic hope for desperate and weary souls. I hear, like whispers stirring silently up from my unconscious, things more powerful than I have been capable of comprehending, just waiting to be born. Every day of my life I’ve been preparing and soon, I’ll no longer have the choice to deny the right to passage.

Oct 10 2007
Live Rig

Here’s a few pictures from practice the other day. It was just me and Brandun going through White Lines and Love in Transition and helping Brandun setup his NI Kore rig. I’ll explain the setup and how every thing is running when I have some time to get into details. They’re just a few crappy pics, but it’s something. lol.

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Tonight I have my rig over at Mandy’s and I’m preparing my patches and learning my parts for Stop Motion. For the last little while I’ve had a mobile studio I’ve been dragging around with me everywhere. We practice again tomorrow evening.

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