The last few days I’ve been taking a break from the production work I’ve been doing in the studio for various projects. It’s good to have a break, although I’m eager to get everything done and out of the way, so that I can start concentrating on new material of my own.

I’m over at Mandy’s right now. She’s asleep and I’m up working on putting this site together. I’ve moved all my old blogs and the sparse collection of newer ones since 2003 to this new site. It’s not public yet, but I’m working on it. Sorting through all the photos and entering the most accurate dates for the images that I can find. So I should have quite a huge collection of photos on here, once I start posting new photos. I don’t really take photos like I use to, but maybe I can get back into it again. I will go through and add past entries and sets of photos that I’ve never released in blogs previously.

Tomorrow (Actually today, since I’m not on normal people schedule), Polaroid Kiss starts practising for upcoming gigs. I’ll be playing synthesizers for them. I have to stop by my house and grab some equipment, load it up. I also should go through some files to help prepare my parts, so I can have the sounds I need loaded up and ready to play. I think most of the day will be preparation work rather than a full practice session. Preparing set lists and deciding on what parts who will perform, ect..

I am going to start a production blog soon, which will contain some engineer type tests I’ve been doing on various different plug-ins, ect.. I might possibly also add some information about the DSP stuff that I dabble in. Might be interesting.
:)

Audesi - Debris (Audio Journal Entry)

I’m so tired… I’ve just been sort of passing out the last few days at night, then I’ve been waking up and just popping out of bed.. A few hours later, I’m thinking to myself, maybe I didn’t sleep quite as long as I should have. Dunno what’s up.

I bought a Rico Vegan Chili Verde burrito tonight from Smith’s, although I’m not Vegan, I like to try new things. Grabbing something to eat sounded like a good idea, but I was too tired by the time I got back home. I just threw it in the freezer.

I gave Matt the project files today for the song me and him had been working for as an artist track for FIXT. He’s going to try writing some lyrics on his own.. I haven’t been inclined to write much music lately. The dry spell hits again when you least expect it, that’s why you have to get things done when your feeling it, because it’s really easy to lose it..

I have however been putting a lot of work into my synth emulation, which could potentially prove profitable in the future, if it will be legal for me to sell it. I need to see if I can find information on the legalities or if it’s possible to get a license from Roland and if it’s worth it. Otherwise, I suppose, at least I’ll have a wonderful softsynth for myself and some friends . I’ll also have a bunch of algorithms and the experience to transform what I’ve been creating into other ideas, much more my own.

Polaroid Kiss is a band I’m producing, which has a gig near Halloween opening for IAMX. I talked to Brandun today about how the shows going to be arranged and to figure out all of what we need and a bit about how we’re going to prepare the show. I was hoping he would have picked a smaller venue first to play out, so that we can all be use to playing together and a bit use to the stage. Anyway, I hope everything goes well with it.. and that it’s not too stressful..

I think that the only thing I’ve ever proved to myself that I may be, is a cathartic accident that can’t rearrange his thoughts into anything complete. Unless it’s done the instant that I make it. That’s the only difference in how I use to do things in the past and how I do them in the present.. The fact that I’ve been trying for so many years to arrange my thoughts into something completely beautiful, I’ve only become void of being able to output anything roughly and raw, because I’m so afraid that I’ll rip it into tiny shreds that it’s starting to become impossible.. I’m forgetting how to make something rough around the edges and thinking it’s any good.

Well, I have a surprise. Blogs can be like notes to me, just a brief recording of time and I don’t have to read back on them. I just hope that I can express myself clear enough so that they’ll make some bit of sense to you. I write mostly stream of thought with no defined beginning, middle and end point, just an incomplete blurb of time that reflects my occurring thoughts, which at this point in time, have not stabilized into something concrete. For, to be stable, would mean to have a lack of life?

If I criticize you, just promise not to always listen to me. The criticisms I put on you are the thoughts I deal with inside my own head. Sometimes all I can see are flaws in everything I do. When your World tears things apart for so long, there comes a point when you apply to take up that position yourself. The sad thing is that most people can’t understand the significance of art, until they can see the finished picture, but creation comes from a million tiny pieces that have to be formed and concluded into sometime whole, but when you’re concentrated so deep on the details, you tend to forget there is a forest for the trees. You forget to complete the pieces into something whole.

I think of the instances I’ve wandered around in the dark of night, when I looked up in the skies and concluded the feeling I felt was reality, and then they made me feel like I was the dreamer, but then I realised that what I had seen was everyone else in the World running around clumsily, unable to fathom reality, because to them the stars still hang from strings and glisten on there bedroom ceilings..

Jeez, now I’m officially a geek.. I’ve been using my idle CPU time on both my laptop and server computer to analyse RNA structures to benefit science and to aid in analysing transmission frequencies in the search for extra-terrestrial intelligence (SETI@Home). LMFAO.. Well, it’s probably the only influence I can have in curing disease and as far as picking up any radio waves from outer space, it would be a couple hundred years before our nearest neighbours might be able to pick up our first television transmissions.. Everything we broadcast will emit itself for a long, long time across the vast reaches of space, perhaps, long after we’re gone.

The fact that we’re on this large rock with liquid on the surface and this gaseous cloud around it is insane. If you think about it? Our planet was hit by another planet.. Those things are very common in the formation of solar systems! Venus was hit so hard that it started spinning backwards and I believe it’s Venus’ days are longer than its years now. (That is the time it takes to rotate, vs. the time that it takes to circle around the sun.)

Maybe we shouldn’t always pay attention to the planets.. Saturn has a moon called Titan that has an atmosphere, mountains and lakes/rivers. It also has the right chemicals to form a reaction to start building organic compounds that life thrives off of. Although it’s rivers aren’t liquid water and they are also more like pudding.. Still, can you imagine gliding down through the atmosphere of another planet to see mountains and lakes and colours and features that are so like home?? I’ve just been thinking about shit like this lately and how crazy it is.

Saturn has this perfect hexagon shape right on the top of it! How the fuck does shit like that happen? Most people don’t even know about that.. Jupiter has a moon called Europa. It has way more water than the Earth. Although it’s closer to the size of our moon.. So, imagine how much water it’s made of? Also, you figure it would be insanely cold out there, so far away from our sun, but because of the gravitational pull of Jupiter on it, as it orbits around, it’s orbit goes long and short. When it’s closest to Jupiter, the gravitational pull of Jupiter warps the shape of it and makes cracks all over the icy surface, which also heats the moon up! So there can be this warm bed of water under the ice. Water is one very important factor in there being life in the Universe and we’ve been finding it all over the place.

It sucks to know that we wont be here forever.. Eventually our planet will no longer be able to sustain life and it will lose the atmosphere, also our sun will scorch our planet, then go off to implode itself and then explode.. Damn stars are getting suicidal on our asses! I don’t blame them, because also, at the centre of our galaxy is a huge black hole.. So… basically we are very slowly going down the toilet drain. Eventually all of our particles will get sucked in, compacted very densely and spewed across the universe, in a burst that might just destroy some innocent beings precious home planet in an instant..

Right now our galaxy is heading on a collision course with another galaxy and some day, way beyond the very instantly short blip of time that life has existed on earth, the night skies will change beyond recognition. Everything will be so much brighter.. The only chance of mankind to survive is to get out of here.. This reminds me of this group of people, whom I can’t remember their name, when I was reading about, (where the pentagram came from) and it’s relation to Phi (The Golden Ratio). Maybe they were right. Lol. They said that the Universe was an evil trap that they were put into and that they had to find a way to escape it.. You can’t run forever, because one day, just like your life will end, mankind will end and the universe will end.. But, it’s very unlikely we will consciously as humans will be around to witness the end of the Universe. The Universe is such a freaky and utterly dangerous place, we’re so insanely lucky to exist in such a serene blip of time. Time exists on such a grand scale we only perceive it as being stable, but look around you and you’ll see that it’s not.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll write something a bit more normal and skip out on the crash course jackass physics lessons.. haha.