Okay, I think I’ve always known the component to being an artist is simply spending the time on art. Well, anything can be said about how things should or could or even could have been done, but the simplest truth when it comes down to it is that you must spend the time doing art. You must spend the time. ART = TIME. Not really all those things you do outside, only those actual creative processes where everything amalgamates together into a sonic stew. That, then and there is the creation of music. We’re not talking about breakthroughs, or respected egos, “Oh, how I admire people who can get into so much detail, be so smart! Be so innovative.” No! These are all lies! I’m talking about an outpouring of the soul that only exists in that moment. Self-conscious departed. Expectations discarded. The future exalted. All that exists is now, the present. This creative process. TIME = CREATIVITY as long as there is a medium to record human reflection. TIME = ART. I never said Good, or Bad art, but if you just expect to make good, great, or groundbreaking work, you’ll never get anything done. In fact everything will fall to a halt if you think that way. Children allow themselves to create. That’s why I think so many adults stop themselves in their own tracks. Adults expect to be good, fast, and they can’t deal with ‘not knowing’, ‘not being able to understand’ things. Emotional death at the source. Art is experience. TIME = EXPERIENCE = ART all in one, existing at the same moment. I didn’t say that art is based on experience, I said that is IS one.
I feel like I’ve been undergoing some sort of writers block, or maybe I should rephrase that as writers-deprivation, because I’m sure I have a ton of shit just waiting at the surface to be relieved. Something is happening in my mind. Perhaps this is growth. I suddenly recognise all these things around me that are bothering me and I feel like my World or my surroundings need to be adapted. People need to be aware of how I feel and I need to stand for what I believe in, and also stand up and do what I need to do. My musical plans seem so messy that I don’t even know how to construct an album from all the scattered material that I have. Also, I hope I’m not confusing honesty as the set down intellectual deconstruction that embodies the lifeless, empty soul of the media. I believe what I’ve been doing is growth. I’ve been learning about new things. So much about different things. I suppose in doing so, I”m much less organised, because so much is going on around me, but well, maybe I just need to get organised. I need to have a plan. I need to see things through in processes. I have to do this. I also need to have a second plan, entirely separate from music that I can do with my life and support myself and possibly family I may have in the future. I’m an intelligent person and I know I’m more intelligent than a lot of people around me. I also know how fear is the initial reaction of anything new that anyone does.
I told Brandun today how much it bothers me when I don’t get proper credit where credit is due. I plan to be much more up front about issues in the future. I also told him he owes me $50 when he gets money. He said that was if he made money that night, but I reminded him that he promised me, “atleast $50″ for helping him with stuff. Time is money. I’ve given him plenty of favours. I plan to take people on their word. I can’t let myself be a push-over. I have to survive.
There are some sort of artistic-losses I need to figure out and deal with. I know it. There’s shit that’s bothering me.
Mandy’s been in Vegas again, she comes back Friday. I love her! I miss her! She went down to get some splints? umm. It’s like this retainer type thing she has to wear when going to bed and also maybe a few hours in the day. I miss her laying here with me. The night before she left we went to Spaghetti Factory. I let up on my diet for a day to enjoy a dinner out. Then we went up to Sugarhouse Park. Nice memories, because we went up there so much last summer. We sat along the stream, threw Pop Rock wrappers in the stream and watched them float away, until it was too dark to see them. Anyway, we played on the playground a little bit and then went up where we first kissed. I then grabbed her and kissed her for a long time. It was a avery nice moment and a very good kiss indeed! :) We talked about things and debated about the exact spot and then laid on the grass looking up at the sky, which was pretty bright for the night. We parked all the way up on the Highland High parking lot, so we had a long way to walk back. I carried Mandy half of the way back, in various ways. I had her all the way up, sitting on my shoulders at first. Love you Mandy.