About ready to pass out, I’ve been up.. Practicing singing, bass and piano. All three. lol. I’ve been recording my vocal practicing and trying a lot of techniques and I’m singing a lot better.. anyways.. So tired.. Missing Mandy! She went up to Oregon Friday night. I almost went with her, I should have damnit! I could have and should have! I didn’t have any money, but I didn’t really need any, I could have just taken a box of rice and some couscous and top ramen with me or something. HAHAHA. It would have kept me alive. Such a long drive, I feel sorry for her though. heh. She called me a couple hours before she got there while she was still driving and then later at 2 something AM when she was there laying down. She carved me and her name in some bridge somewhere in Oregon. :-) This is the furthest away we’ve been since we’ve known each other. She’s all the way by the coast and says it’s cold. Cold weather sucks! ugh.. I hate to think it’s going to start getting cold here too, soon.. Anyways, I’m going for sure when she’s going down to Vegas. Road-trip! Road-trip!

Imagine this small girl carrying an enormous pizza box passing by this chubby fat kid, drooling, looking on like what the fuck? Or maybe it was just funny how I saw it. haha. Anyways, the box was a little over-sized for the actual size of the Pizza, making the pizza appear as if it were at least 24 inches in diameter.

It’s kind of funny when you’re cuddling and you hear your friend come screaming, “Earl!! Earl!! Are you there?”.

I had to reformat the machine with the website on, so much that could have been written on these ramblings between then and now! I might play catch-up, but not tonight, since I’m so tired.

But do you know what? I’m friggin happy!

My ramblings have been filled with so much gloom. Such a contradiction, life is a contradiction and that’s great. Things change and when they change, we grow as people. I never want to know what’s around the corner, I just want to go there and take You with me! ;-) It’s there that I find happiness.

Okay, so I’m like the worst and most picky person and it takes me forever to pick out clothes. Me and Mandy went to Pibb’s Exchange looking for some clothes, didn’t really find anything, so we ended up at Crossroads mall. I looked through the rack of discounted clothes. hmm. $50 for 2 pairs of pants or $25 for 2 shirts. But in the back, I eventually found some pretty bad ass pants.. for $55. haha. But I tried them on and I’m like screw it, I might as well get some pants I like then cheaper ones that I don’t really like much.. I had a pretty kule green shirt with a star on it too, which matched really good with the pants and a gray baseball T with black arms, something I have been looking for and finally found. But I had to compromise because I only had $100. I just ended up buying the pants and some low-top Converse shoes. ahh. I still need shirts.

I saw the new Salt Lake library for the first time! I always walk past it and drive past it a million times, but this time, I actually went inside it! haha. It’s a pretty awesome building actually, what rocks is the top of it though, it’s like a friggin’ park on top of it. Really nice view of.. the top of fast food buildings! woohoo! haha. No, it’s a pretty kule view. I should have brought the camera, I’m bringing it next time. The library is worth going to, just to hang out at. It’s awesome. Then they have some little shops out back, we went into a comic book store. We sat on a water fountain/fall that goes down a bunch of bricks, which was.. Dry, at the time. Which is good I guess. Maybe it would have been more fun to get all wet though!?

Me and Mandy ended up at Gateway. Air hockey always rocks. I have to get my air hockey table setup at my house. We ended up sitting on the rocks looking at bricks with peoples names on, where they have things like, “Happy Birthday Schweety!” and “In Memory of a Vegan” or uh… People with money to waste.. we imagine such peoples names as, “Mike Hunt”, this infamous character that went to my Jr. High school, lol, or.. an inside thing, “Crabby Rocks My Socks!”. heh. I like the latter best.

I had Mandy drop me off at Brandun’s house when she had to leave and introduced them to each other, first time they’ve met. Brandun was wearing a pink girl shirt that said I’m Soy Adorable? haha. hmm. We chilled there for a bit before she had to go. Brandun’s like, umm.. I’ll leave you two alone. haha. Before she leaves, I almost get thrown through the front door. ohh.. lol.

Later, I think I ended up showing Brandun a bunch of shit how to use Cubase SX and then his friends Vanessa and Rachelle come screaming through the window and we end up watching some psychotic movie called May. That I didn’t really understand the point of. Hmm, come to think of it, I think I’ve actually seen this movie before. ahh. This movie’s fucked up.. She has no friends, except a doll. And the doll sucks too, so she ends up cutting up people for their good ‘parts’ and making her own friend and ripping out her own eyeball because her ‘friend’ can’t see her. So, right.. Disturbing.

We went over to Mandy’s dad’s friends house, downtown here, because he wanted to meet me, so I met Mandy’s dad Brent. He seems pretty nice and seemed like he liked me.

I can’t believe I was called a ‘vampire’ by his friend though, because I’m kind of pale. lol. I’m like, yeah.. I know! haha. but well, that doesn’t change the fact that I really am a vampire! muhahaha. HEHE Kidding! But well, his friend Howard looked like Bill from King of the Hill to me, so it’s all good! :-D

Sue invited us to come over again and stop by to visit and to get something to eat. She makes Chile Verde, Enchilada soup, and Manicotti. So it sounds like she makes good stuff to me!

We’re on top of the World, where flags unfurl. We’re distant from existence, but so close to it’s essence. A city resembling stars, twinkling lights bent into shards, like my heart once was, shattered, before you came and picked up the pieces that mattered. These incandescent skies are almost as beautiful as your effervescent eyes, which gaze into my soul, a feeling that’s beginning to take it’s toll, but you make it so easy to give in. You don’t realize, I don’t even know where to begin. The worlds so blind, if they can’t see, the beauty that’s screaming to be free.

Okay, this is actually the 14th, because my ramblings are almost always written the morning of the next day, before I go to bed. I don’t know why, but this is more like a journal entry. Brandun is stranded in Las Vegas while coming back from California with Catie. I guess the car blew up.

I wake up to Ryan bitching at me on the answering machine. LOL. I thought it was Corby at first and that it was an emergency, like.. Someone had died or something!! LOL. Mandy was coming and took me into Brandun’s work so I could talk to a supervisor to explain the situation, waited for a while for a sup to come out of the doors and then Jason, uh.. “Utah Brentner”, came out and I told Jason what had happened. Introduced Jason to Mandy. visa-versa. I only got a phone # out of going to Brandun’s work. So I come back with the phone #, hop on the net for 10 seconds and give Brandun the # on MSN.

Matt was at the house, I introduced Matt to Mandy. Matt introduces himself as ‘the other music guy, who plays guitar’ or something, hehe, it was kind of funny. So anyways, me and Mandy go all the way back to Gateway, well, we stop at Beto’s first and get Super Nachos w/the works because she’s never had them. :) Then we go to Starbucks in gateway, get another caramel frappuccino. Mandy gets a coconut one this time. Not really coffee, she lets me taste it, it tastes like ice coconut milk. heh. We end up sitting out on the balcony, which fucking rocks, watching little kids play in the fountains down below, and it’s just awesome because it’s dark and all the kule lights down there, pretty prime ambiance, I guess.. Can’t get those metal chairs close enough to each other though.

We head over to Tilt (the arcade), to whoop each others asses at air-hockey! lol.

I burned a CD earlier today of stuff I’ve written so far this month. Mandy likes it. She really likes the version of Invocation I have on the CD, which is longer and better than the clip on here.

We go to memory grove again. Damn, it’s just the perfect routine. LOL. and the brief breeze tonight and blowing leaves, it just feels so right. I gave her a piggy back ride. Today rocked. But maybe the best was later when we were laying in the car. hehe. I’m laying in the car with her and the song I write about laying next to her comes on, it’s so weird because this song just starts speaking exactly how I feel and it’s like I’m talking without saying a word, but just looking into her eyes.

Um, why don’t they make 2-player pinball machines? I guess that’s a gravity issue? ahh! But that would rock..

We’re hanging out again tomorrow. ;-) Next theatre we go to must have removable center between chairs…

Invocation

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It’s all coming out again, as I follow these twisted roads, that lead me away from where my heart had grown so cold. I feel the warmth as I embrace in change. The World changes around us all and I hope to see it all!

Aequanimus (2)

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I sit here helplessly and watch it all fall into place,
time moves so quickly, I watch it wash over me.

I don’t want to let you go,
so just lay here with me.
There’s things in my heart that I want you to know
and places that call out our names that say, “Let it be!”.

My thoughts drift through abstract reason
and dreams dawn in the dusk of our leisure.
I open up my eyes as I remember the feeling.
I could no longer hold onto the anguish that I held in my heart.
Held in my heart for so long… “Let it be!”

It’s really not hard to see the beauty,
when I’m so close that I’m inner twined with you,
a teardrop falls down on my cheek when I realise
there’s no one else like you.

Aequanimus (1)

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