There’s a rumble inside my chest,
and I know this life can be a mess,
but I can’t wait even another day,
to say to you what’s in my heart.

…So why do I feel encumbered by all the
passion and desire that was sacrificed?
Why do I feel as though I’m being pushed down this road in recklessness
by powers beyond my own control?

…When it comes down to it,
maybe I do believe in destiny.
As this force drags me, kicking and screaming,
away from everything that I wanted,

…sometimes things don’t make much sense to me
what i thought was truth doesn’t seem to mean a thing
maybe there’s no such thing as meant to be
as I struggle to understand the words you said to me

the memories come flooding back like a storm
i’ve been searching for you since the day I was born
and i’m sorry if i can’t help but misunderstand
but when I was down, i had given you my hand

but somehow i don’t recognize you anymore
i’m losing my love to… i don’t know?
my hearts been bleeding so long, i’m sore
and i’m sorry i can’t stop this show

i would have hoped for a different story
but like you said, life really isn’t fair
but still i’ll awake another morning
only hoping i was there with you…

“…my faith, contained in minuet steps
straddling ahold to the nearly impossible
tried to commit what’s meant to be, to death
but it’s madness to not believe in the appetible

distance threatens the logical perceptions
of the heart, which feels love
when we’re careless of all the minds conceptions
we lift our souls one step above

an entity intertwined as one
misplaced by the absence of time
calling out her name as I toss and turn
i wait for what truth will lead me to find…

…all that remains is the memories
and the ghost in the melodies
but I will hold on, forever
past the day existence is severed

and in the end
everything will fade away
and our yearning will turn to dust
but my soul will forever lust…

…Life, it moves in waves,
it won’t ever feel the same.
Just never give in,
Never keep it held within.

You left in the dark,
you left me in this coldness.
In my time of need,
you left me all alone.

Everything I thought I had known,
suddenly had grown cold.
It took a long time to trust in you,
but there was something that only you knew.

I finally let you in,
then you threw me out into the cold.
Left me shivering,
and you turned to stone.

I hoped that things could change,
but it will never feel the same…”
My heart is growing cold.

life’s a road and it’s divided in two
the path i chose is what i’ll do
and as usual i went the wrong way
and i’m left with nothing more to say

but as long as i’m alive
its worth one more try
once i give it up,
it’s the day that i die

and you think you’re right
you think that everything’s alright
but i can’t watch it all unfold
and I don’t care anymore,
nothing can be foretold.

it’s been so hard for me,
all i can do is let things be.
but it’s painstakingly clear
that you don’t want me here anymore…

I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I’m so lonely, but if I let you go I would hate myself. Words can’t describe the way I’ve felt and continue to feel about you. But I’m not so sure that bond exists anymore. The only choice I’m given is to either stand by and watch or let it go. But I’ve tried and it seems so wrong. I really did believe and I still hold onto that hope, but it’s killing me. I don’t think I could be everything you wish for though. And I know you don’t feel the way you once did anymore. I thought it would last forever and who knows… as I’m holding onto what seems hopeless. You’re the closest to heaven that I’ve ever been. I really truly believed in the words you had once said to me. I thought that we would meet and be together, forever. It’s slowly falling through the seams and I have no right to hold on to you.

Why do some of us grow up with this image that everything will turn out so perfect, that we will be rich, famous and have that one perfect person to fall in love with and be happy with forever? And that all we need is that one person to be happy. Lately it seems like everything is opposite in life than the way people say. Like, girls say that guys are all jerks and that they want someone who is sensitive and nice and shit. But what I’m learning is that girls seem to want the complete opposite of what they say. They push you away for being too serious or too nice or not serious enough. To me, girls seem to start acting more and more like the image often put onto the way guys supposedly are. Throw images out, maybe we’re all the same, or maybe we’re all different.. But even the girls, they seem to be the ones in control. They seem to be the ones responsible if a relationship can actually flourish. But all I want is that one person. And that’s all I need is that one. That one special person who’s sweet and who’s smile and laugh makes me happy and fills the rest of my day with joy. I would do anything! But what’s it worth if I can’t keep her happy? Maybe these things only exist in fairytales, I don’t know.. But without Jessica, I feel like it’s so far away… I can’t start to describe the way that I feel right now and I can’t even guess how to respond. Inside, I’m not really okay.. Right now I’m just trying to go on with life and pretend everything is okay…. I hate watching this happen.

I can’t sleep. I don’t think I understand: how I am different; how things are different? Things may seem different because I’m abiding by your rules. It seems too painful to you any other way. And now this wall has been amended and I suppose given definition to the line that seemed to have been beginning to develop. So I hide behind this false blanket, this fake smile, which I have no idea how long I can handle it. There’s a lot more, forbidden to speak freely…. I want to just give in and shout it out and cry out that I need you!!! And not half a year from now face to face, but right now at this very moment! But maybe that will only ease the weight of my own heart. Maybe that’s not the best thing for you. I can’t believe that you might not feel the same way that I do. I don’t believe that you do! What can I do? I don’t want to give up.. and I hope that time wont steal you away, but at the same time, I hope you’re happy, whatever that may mean. What can I do? Other than pretend that I’m okay with this.